For a better understanding on this story read My Testimony first.
| The Misfit |
This is a continuation of My Testimony. Its about how the
recent decisions Ive made have affected the way I fit in with some
people.
Our Living Arrangement: Im really quite a recluse these days. Bill(My companion) and I live with my mother to help take care of her and the household. Its hard work at times, but It’s a nice arrangement for everyone. My Mother just loves Bill, and so does the rest of my family. They also like the fact that hes a Retired Nurse. His knowledge on nursing has been helpful around here. Bill and I both feel that its Gods will for us to be here for my Mother, so this is where We’ll stay.
Other Christians: Ive really grown as a Christian in since I made my decision , but even though I feel that Im right with God now, I still feel out of place with other Christians for afew reasons: first of all, being celibate doesnt change what my sexuality is, and when I go to church, or any other Christian event, I know Im different from the other Christians. Its not like I tell anyone. I generally keep it to myself, but I cant help but to wonder what what they would think of me if they knew about me. I think alot of them would look at me in disgust, especially if they knew about my relationship.
My Church: I’ve been going to a fairly conservative church off and on for about 15 years. My pastor has always known about me, and he also knows about my relationship with Bill. He’s even met Bill afew times at church. He’s always been very kind to both of us, He’s never treated us any differently than anyone else.
I dont go to church very often, but I did manage to go one day afew years back when the pastor was preaching a sermon about homosexuality. I must say, I was really amazed by what he said. He has a slightly different view about homosexuality than alot of Christians. For one, he said he thought gays were born that way, in otherwords, they dont choose their attractions. He was also was firm about it being a sin to act on those attractions. I knew what the Bible said about it, and he was right on. What I really liked is that he said to treat gays with love and understanding. In another sermon he talked about “stonethrowers” in the church, and that also meant toward homosexuals.
Even though he teaches that way, the pastor and his wife are still the only ones who know about me. No one else knows, and I have no intention of telling anyone either. Just because the pastor preaches love and understanding doesnt mean the people in the church are going to follow that. I dont go to this church very often, but I think of it as my church home. I really like the Pastor. Hes given me alot of guidance and support over the years, and hes always treated me with nothing but love and respect. Hes one person that I can say is truly a man of God.
A Church I went to for Awhile: I also went to another Baptist church a few years ago. I went there because they had small Bible study groups which My church didn’t have at the time. I figured In a small group I would be able to open up more to the other members, and I did open up to afew of them. I ended up telling some of the members about myself. It was an interesting experience coming out to these people, and I learned a little about them in the process. Heres some of the reactions I got:
The first one I came out to was Carla. I really liked her. She was so cool and down to Earth for someone whos a Fundamentalist Christian. One day she I noticed was upset. She felt she was being treated like a second class citizen for being divorced, so I told her about my situation. She was very cool about it, but she told me I shouldn’t identify myself as “gay”, because it’s not what I wantpeople to know me for. She didnt have a problem with it though. She never treated me any different, and I really appreciated that.
The next person I told was Doug. I started hanging around with him, which was strange for me since I usually don’t care much for straight men. He seemed pretty nice though. He was raised in the church, and he was in missionary work. I could tell he’s been so absorbed in living a Christian life that he has no concept of the world around him. One night he started talking bad about gays. He said things like how they chose to be gay, and they don’t deserve any civil rights. I finally got mad and told him I happen to be one of those people he’s talking about. Of course I told him I was celibate too, but I’m still one of those people. He was alittle freaked out at first. The the first thing he was concerned about is whether I had any diseases. That gave me a good idea about how incredibly ignorant this guy was. After the first shock, he assured me he was ok with my situation, but I could tell he looked at me differently after that. I didnt even tell him about my relationship with another man. No telling how he’d react to that. After seeing how ignorant and hateful this guy was, I really didn’t want anything more to do with him anyway. Hes the kind of Christian I always try to avoid.
Another person I told was Rose. She was very nice friendly person. I didn’t know for a fact, but I just knew she was a lesbian. One day I went to her house to visit her, and we got to talking, and she eventually let me know that she suspected I was gay, so I told her my situation. She of course told me about her situation. It turns out she was gay and celibate too. She didnt have a problem with my companionship, but she said she wouldn’t be in another gay relationship, and she’s open to the idea of getting with a man. I personally don’t think pretending to be straight is going to do her any good, but She’ll find that out once she tries it and fails.
I felt led to tell these people and a few others about myself, and I like to think they all learned something from the experience. I know I learned things about them and about myself in the process. I got along pretty good in that group, but I never could get very close to anyone. I just didnt feel like I was a part of the group. I felt really out of place.
After going to that church about 6 months, they brought some political stuff into the church. They were trying to get signatures to put a proposition on the ballot that would reverse gay rights and protection laws we just recently got in our state. As soon as I found out about it, I left that church, but not before telling them how I felt about it. I would never go back to that church, knowing the hate and the bigotry that they teach.
Other Churches: Ive tried out afew other Churches (and other Christian groups) along the way. One Sunday, Bill and I went to decided to go to a black Baptist church here in town he heard about. The people were very friendly to us, and the music and the worship was really good. I think the preacher saw me and Bill and somehow figured us out, cause when the preacher started preaching his serman, the subject was homosexuals, and how they shouldnt have any civil rights. I wanted to walk out but Bill wanted to stay and hear what he had to say. I find it strange that after all the years of opression black people went through, they would turn around and try to do the same thing to someone else. Another thing that bothered me is that they just assumed about us without knowing the facts. We left right after the service, and we never went back to that church.
I’ve been told that I should go to either a gay church, or a gay friendly church. First of all, I have very conservative beliefs, and I believe the Bible to be God’s inspired word, and the sole authority, and the Bibles very clear that for me to have sexual relations with Bill would be a sin, and I think any church that teaches other than what the Bible says is teaching wrong.
Christians Online: Ive tried to join some Christian groups on MySpace, and it didnt work out too well. Ive had Christians tell me Im living in sin, and Im not right with God, etc, just because I identify myself as gay, and because of my relationship with Bill. They even knew I was celibate, and they still came at me with their ignorant comments.
Recently, Some so called ‘Christian’ on MySpace looked at my profile, and my pics, and figured it out about my relationship with Bill, and he not only left me a really degrading letter, he also outed me to the people in a Christian group we were both in. Some people were supportive of me and my situation, but I had some people coming at me with their hate agenda, trying to tell me Im still living in sin. They tried to make My companionship with Bill into something dirty and sinful. Since then, I learned to deal with those people on MySpace. I still get hastled now and then, but Ive found alittle support too.
Since then I’ve found a nice Christian forum where they dont act like that. I enjoy sharing my faith and my struggles with the people in there, and showing them another point of view, and I also learn from them as well.
The gay community: Online Christians aren’t the only ones I feel out of place with. I also feel out of place with other gay people because of my Christian beliefs. Even with gay Christians I tend to be much more conservative in my beliefs that they are. Some of these guys Ive told were just totally offended that I would be celibate, and they were very unkind to me about it. All I could do was try to defend my beliefs. I remember being told I’m a traitor to the gay community among other things.
I have afew good gay friends these days, One of them is a Christian. Afew are agonstic, and afew are Pagans and Wiccans. They dont always agree on my beliefs, but they always respect my right to believe the way I do, and I do the same with them. I still cant help but to feel that some of them look at me differently because of my beliefs.
After years of feeling alone and out of place, I recently found a nice website that ministors specifically to gay Christians, and to my surprise, a small minority of gay Christians who choose to be celibate for their beliefs, just like me. We even have our own forums for us to discuss how we believe without offending the others who dont believe the way we do. Im really glad Ive found support from others who share my same beliefs about this matter. Im happy to know Im not alone in the way I believe.
Summing it up: So, this what My life is like. I hope by reading this, people will get better understanding about the way I believe, and the struggles I go through. Im just living my life the best way I can, and following what I believe is right.
So this is what its like for me, and this is how I fit in (or not) in both these communities. In otherwards, this is My life as a misfit.
Our Living Arrangement: Im really quite a recluse these days. Bill(My companion) and I live with my mother to help take care of her and the household. Its hard work at times, but It’s a nice arrangement for everyone. My Mother just loves Bill, and so does the rest of my family. They also like the fact that hes a Retired Nurse. His knowledge on nursing has been helpful around here. Bill and I both feel that its Gods will for us to be here for my Mother, so this is where We’ll stay.
Other Christians: Ive really grown as a Christian in since I made my decision , but even though I feel that Im right with God now, I still feel out of place with other Christians for afew reasons: first of all, being celibate doesnt change what my sexuality is, and when I go to church, or any other Christian event, I know Im different from the other Christians. Its not like I tell anyone. I generally keep it to myself, but I cant help but to wonder what what they would think of me if they knew about me. I think alot of them would look at me in disgust, especially if they knew about my relationship.
My Church: I’ve been going to a fairly conservative church off and on for about 15 years. My pastor has always known about me, and he also knows about my relationship with Bill. He’s even met Bill afew times at church. He’s always been very kind to both of us, He’s never treated us any differently than anyone else.
I dont go to church very often, but I did manage to go one day afew years back when the pastor was preaching a sermon about homosexuality. I must say, I was really amazed by what he said. He has a slightly different view about homosexuality than alot of Christians. For one, he said he thought gays were born that way, in otherwords, they dont choose their attractions. He was also was firm about it being a sin to act on those attractions. I knew what the Bible said about it, and he was right on. What I really liked is that he said to treat gays with love and understanding. In another sermon he talked about “stonethrowers” in the church, and that also meant toward homosexuals.
Even though he teaches that way, the pastor and his wife are still the only ones who know about me. No one else knows, and I have no intention of telling anyone either. Just because the pastor preaches love and understanding doesnt mean the people in the church are going to follow that. I dont go to this church very often, but I think of it as my church home. I really like the Pastor. Hes given me alot of guidance and support over the years, and hes always treated me with nothing but love and respect. Hes one person that I can say is truly a man of God.
A Church I went to for Awhile: I also went to another Baptist church a few years ago. I went there because they had small Bible study groups which My church didn’t have at the time. I figured In a small group I would be able to open up more to the other members, and I did open up to afew of them. I ended up telling some of the members about myself. It was an interesting experience coming out to these people, and I learned a little about them in the process. Heres some of the reactions I got:
The first one I came out to was Carla. I really liked her. She was so cool and down to Earth for someone whos a Fundamentalist Christian. One day she I noticed was upset. She felt she was being treated like a second class citizen for being divorced, so I told her about my situation. She was very cool about it, but she told me I shouldn’t identify myself as “gay”, because it’s not what I wantpeople to know me for. She didnt have a problem with it though. She never treated me any different, and I really appreciated that.
The next person I told was Doug. I started hanging around with him, which was strange for me since I usually don’t care much for straight men. He seemed pretty nice though. He was raised in the church, and he was in missionary work. I could tell he’s been so absorbed in living a Christian life that he has no concept of the world around him. One night he started talking bad about gays. He said things like how they chose to be gay, and they don’t deserve any civil rights. I finally got mad and told him I happen to be one of those people he’s talking about. Of course I told him I was celibate too, but I’m still one of those people. He was alittle freaked out at first. The the first thing he was concerned about is whether I had any diseases. That gave me a good idea about how incredibly ignorant this guy was. After the first shock, he assured me he was ok with my situation, but I could tell he looked at me differently after that. I didnt even tell him about my relationship with another man. No telling how he’d react to that. After seeing how ignorant and hateful this guy was, I really didn’t want anything more to do with him anyway. Hes the kind of Christian I always try to avoid.
Another person I told was Rose. She was very nice friendly person. I didn’t know for a fact, but I just knew she was a lesbian. One day I went to her house to visit her, and we got to talking, and she eventually let me know that she suspected I was gay, so I told her my situation. She of course told me about her situation. It turns out she was gay and celibate too. She didnt have a problem with my companionship, but she said she wouldn’t be in another gay relationship, and she’s open to the idea of getting with a man. I personally don’t think pretending to be straight is going to do her any good, but She’ll find that out once she tries it and fails.
I felt led to tell these people and a few others about myself, and I like to think they all learned something from the experience. I know I learned things about them and about myself in the process. I got along pretty good in that group, but I never could get very close to anyone. I just didnt feel like I was a part of the group. I felt really out of place.
After going to that church about 6 months, they brought some political stuff into the church. They were trying to get signatures to put a proposition on the ballot that would reverse gay rights and protection laws we just recently got in our state. As soon as I found out about it, I left that church, but not before telling them how I felt about it. I would never go back to that church, knowing the hate and the bigotry that they teach.
Other Churches: Ive tried out afew other Churches (and other Christian groups) along the way. One Sunday, Bill and I went to decided to go to a black Baptist church here in town he heard about. The people were very friendly to us, and the music and the worship was really good. I think the preacher saw me and Bill and somehow figured us out, cause when the preacher started preaching his serman, the subject was homosexuals, and how they shouldnt have any civil rights. I wanted to walk out but Bill wanted to stay and hear what he had to say. I find it strange that after all the years of opression black people went through, they would turn around and try to do the same thing to someone else. Another thing that bothered me is that they just assumed about us without knowing the facts. We left right after the service, and we never went back to that church.
I’ve been told that I should go to either a gay church, or a gay friendly church. First of all, I have very conservative beliefs, and I believe the Bible to be God’s inspired word, and the sole authority, and the Bibles very clear that for me to have sexual relations with Bill would be a sin, and I think any church that teaches other than what the Bible says is teaching wrong.
Christians Online: Ive tried to join some Christian groups on MySpace, and it didnt work out too well. Ive had Christians tell me Im living in sin, and Im not right with God, etc, just because I identify myself as gay, and because of my relationship with Bill. They even knew I was celibate, and they still came at me with their ignorant comments.
Recently, Some so called ‘Christian’ on MySpace looked at my profile, and my pics, and figured it out about my relationship with Bill, and he not only left me a really degrading letter, he also outed me to the people in a Christian group we were both in. Some people were supportive of me and my situation, but I had some people coming at me with their hate agenda, trying to tell me Im still living in sin. They tried to make My companionship with Bill into something dirty and sinful. Since then, I learned to deal with those people on MySpace. I still get hastled now and then, but Ive found alittle support too.
Since then I’ve found a nice Christian forum where they dont act like that. I enjoy sharing my faith and my struggles with the people in there, and showing them another point of view, and I also learn from them as well.
The gay community: Online Christians aren’t the only ones I feel out of place with. I also feel out of place with other gay people because of my Christian beliefs. Even with gay Christians I tend to be much more conservative in my beliefs that they are. Some of these guys Ive told were just totally offended that I would be celibate, and they were very unkind to me about it. All I could do was try to defend my beliefs. I remember being told I’m a traitor to the gay community among other things.
I have afew good gay friends these days, One of them is a Christian. Afew are agonstic, and afew are Pagans and Wiccans. They dont always agree on my beliefs, but they always respect my right to believe the way I do, and I do the same with them. I still cant help but to feel that some of them look at me differently because of my beliefs.
After years of feeling alone and out of place, I recently found a nice website that ministors specifically to gay Christians, and to my surprise, a small minority of gay Christians who choose to be celibate for their beliefs, just like me. We even have our own forums for us to discuss how we believe without offending the others who dont believe the way we do. Im really glad Ive found support from others who share my same beliefs about this matter. Im happy to know Im not alone in the way I believe.
Summing it up: So, this what My life is like. I hope by reading this, people will get better understanding about the way I believe, and the struggles I go through. Im just living my life the best way I can, and following what I believe is right.
So this is what its like for me, and this is how I fit in (or not) in both these communities. In otherwards, this is My life as a misfit.
No comments:
Post a Comment